What it means to be a dad: ETSU fatherhood program expands

JOHNSON CITY – Paul Camp and Robert Norris have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a dad. "I messed up with the first few," Camp said, talking about his oldest children in a conversation with Norris. "You know what makes you a good dad, though?" Norris said. "You could admit that." The two are sitting at a conference table in the East Tennessee State University Community Outreach office in Johnson City. As they chat with each other and office staff, Camp's 4-year-old son Sha'ul bounces around the room, playing with colored pencils and punching "tickets" (business cards) like a train conductor. Sha'ul is Camp's "wild child" — and his do-over baby. "This time, I have to get it right," he said. Camp and Norris are both participants in the ETSU Fatherhood Connection Initiative. The program, which recently expanded to all eight counties in Northeast Tennessee, works with low-income fathers of children under 13 to teach parenting skills. Over the past year, the program has helped dozens of men. In addition to lessons on fatherhood, it also pays for families to bond through activities at local family-friendly spots. The program can also help with transportation and even provided participants with food while SNAP benefits were in limbo. The 12-week program launched in February as a grant under the Tennessee Department of Human Services. It was originally available only in Carter, Washington and Sullivan counties. Before that, said ETSU Community Outreach Executive Director Amy Edwards, there was nothing like it in the area. "I wish there had been this kind of program around a long time ago," Norris said. "There's tons of programs for mothers, single moms. No programs for dads." Edwards said they want to grow and maintain the program in years to come. While a majority of parents are currently referred from the Department of Children's Services and Child Protective Services, the staff is working to build connections with prison and school systems. At the helm of the program's reflections and workshops is John Hughes, the fatherhood coach with years of experience in marriage and family therapy. Hughes said the work is powerful and rewarding. "I provide the material, then these guys interpret it in the way that speaks to them," he said. "What a person needs is already in there. If they have the right conversation and the right opportunities, then it comes out organically." Camp, who's still taking classes, said he's faced tough questions about masculinity through the program. Hughes has helped him and others adjust traditional mindsets about manhood that aren't always healthy. These types of mindsets contribute to problems in the Tri-Cities, Camp added. "I say this respectfully, that most men have a chip on their shoulder and they subscribe to the traditional male concept, the macho guy, the guy who's emotionless," he said. In the program, he said, "we get into some things that really could cause a man to reflect." Camp said he's already seen improvement in his relationship with his son since August, when Sha'ul was given to him. Norris, who recently completed the program, said his biggest takeaway is what it means to be a working dad. Robert Norris in the ETSU Community Outreach office on Tuesday, Dec. 9. Norris said he feels accomplished after completing the fatherhood program. "I went to my own dad and bragged," he said. JOY MAZUR/SIX RIVERS MEDIA "You find out it's not about providing for your family, it's not about money," he said. "It's about the emotional support, physical support." Before the program, Norris said, he was depressed and never wanted anything to do with his kids. Once he started classes, he noticed that the more he interacted with his three children, who range from 9 to 19, the more they reciprocated and wanted him in their lives. "[I] wanted to make sure that my kids were raised better than I was," Norris said. "And they had the proper seeds growing up to know how to handle their feelings." Enhancing the relationship between father and child can change other family dynamics and result in generational change, Hughes emphasized. "Slowly but surely, these kinds of things will change the culture of abuse," Camp added. "One person at a time, one parent at a time. This is the front line."