So, How Does That Make You Feel?
Last week in my segment entitled, Love Just May Be The Key, I wrote about an idea of relationships whereby the main thing desired by men from women is respect and the main thing desired by women from men is love. This is not new information, but rather has been much researched and discussed in both spiritual and secular areas. However, in this segment I think it may be important to discuss that the more important thing to consider regarding these two ideas is how the other person receives them. So, let's explore that idea.
Understanding how a person receives love or respect is important and yet many people never stop long enough to consider that very thing for themselves. Let me ask you, "How do you receive love?" or "How do you receive respect?" Let me rephrase the question, "What does your spouse or significant other do that makes you feel loved?" or "What does your spouse or significant other do that makes you feel respected?" If you've not thought about these things for yourself you need to and here's why…. once you think through this as it relates to your situation you'll discover a few things.
First, you'll discover those things which are being done that are creating and furthering this emotion in your relationship - good to know. Second, you'll also discover those things that are creating the opposite feeling in you either because they aren't happening at all (and you wish they were) or because they aren't happening in the way you want them - also good to know. Now, armed with this insight, you both can have a discussion to discover how each of you are receiving what the other is doing or saying.
Why is this important? Because if what you are doing in an attempt to show him respect (or her love) is not being received by him as respectful (or her as loving) then you are not being effective in meeting that need. This is very helpful to know because changes can be made to more fully enhance the relationship. It's a win-win deal.
However, equally important is to find out that your attempts to show love are being received as very respectful or your attempts at respect are being received as very loving. It's not that your efforts or activities aren't effective it's only a difference in how that are being received. Because here's the deal - everyone needs to feel both loved and respected. The balance of these may be different between individuals but the need is universally there.
"My goodness, Eric," you might say, "this seems like such a little thing." True. These things can seem like little things. But sometimes little things can make a huge impact in close relationships over the years. Wouldn't you agree? So, how is your spouse or significant other making you feel?