On the Southwest Virginia homefront, followers of the Hoople System have been chanting: “One more week! One more week!’’
They’re getting additional words of football wisdom from everybody’s favorite Prose-and-Con man before the regular season closes.
It’s always been Times-News policy to have its gifted correspondent shy away from predicting the outcome of playoff games. This is to prevent the forecast from influencing the course of history. Thus, Northeast Tennessee readers are tearfully sad this week since their teams won’t be a part of the big show. Hak-kaff!
Southwest Virginians can count their blessings. With a full complement of games remaining, they’ve got the Major’s goodies all to themselves.
By concentrating on a smaller schedule, this Old Boy should be able to get right to the point on each prediction.
With the final forecast put to bed, the Hoople staff will be gathering after Friday’s games in the E-Z Snooze Hotel lounge to celebrate another successful season.
The 2009 percentage is a whopping .811. It should top Hoop-Baby’s all-time best showing of .803 once the final results are in.
Special thanks go out to Arville Higgenbottom, Red Neckerson, Shanghai Swartz, “Fast Eddie’’ Shupe, Harvey Wallbanger, “Rabbit Man’’ Clark and “Lucky Chucky’’ Newton for the fine scouting reports they’ve provided Hoople & Associates throughout the season.
After an extended vacation in Tahiti, the office staff will begin planning for the 2010 season. Retooling the computer equipment will be the first step, then rumored coaching changes must be checked out.
With new technology and the hiring of two whiz kids from Mr. Hoop’s alma mater, Yale, to process the data, we should be able to break the law of predictably next year.
This should finally get the attention of those Guinness Book of World Records editors who continue to ignore Yours Truly’s many accomplishments. Hak-kaff!
Here goes with a signature performance that will have bookies from Morristown to Hurley drooling:
POWELL VALLEY 40, APPALACHIA 7 — The defeat will have to be emotionally overwhelming. Bulldog rooters certainly won’t think it’s any laughing matter.
J.J. KELLY 16, J.I. BURTON 14 — There’s one more twist in this dramatically unpredictable Lonesome Pine District race. Label it our four-star pick of the week.
TWIN SPRINGS 20, RYE COVE 14 — It’s worthy to note that the Titans have improved their mobility. Several of the players have passed the driver’s test and are riding around in their own automobiles.
VIRGINIA HIGH 33, LEE HIGH 12 — With several first-half malfunctions behind them, the Bearcats will muster enough offense in the fourth quarter to take this one decidedly. Kaff-kaff!
CLINTWOOD 27, POUND 7 — Football is something that’s been passed down from generation to generation in Clintwood.
COEBURN 7, CASTLEWOOD 6 — It’s time for both teams to rotate the tires.
ST. PAUL 27, THOMAS WALKER 20 — There are winners, losers and spinners. St. Paul wins, Tommy Walker loses, Major Hoople spins. Boola-boola!
Abingdon 20, Marion 7
Carroll County 19, Graham 13
Richlands 27, Grundy 6
Patrick Henry 28, Holston 7
Haysi 21, Honaker 14
Hurley 32, Twin Valley 12
Lebanon 27, John Battle 7
Montcalm, W..Va. 8, Ervinton 7
George Wythe 14, Northwood 6
Rural Retreat 20, Chilhowie 13
Slant 52, Duff-Patt Academy 6
Rim Rock 38, Copper Ridge 31