Har-rumph! Last week’s masterful performance was further proof that the world’s No. 1 pigskin prognosticator — like vintage wine — gets better with age.
Hoop-Baby turned in a brilliant 12-2 record, including seven scores that were right on target.
You may be wondering about the two losses. Apparently, a couple of pages were torn out of the scouting report, throwing a monkey wrench into the football fortune-telling. It’s an issue that was dealt with swiftly and effectively.
That schedule was a bit light but it’s much larger this week, giving Yours Truly an opportunity to run those victories out the top. Kaff-kaff!
Success always draws criticism. The 2009 season is barely under way and this Old Boy has already been lambasted with accusations of dwelling on self-promotion.
Um-glumph! Numbers don’t lie. The proof is in the pudding. The Major’s adorability rating is soaring.
While things are going great here, the situation for rival forecasters is bound to get worse before getting any better. Somebody needs to send a message to those guys. Clairvoyance is a gift they’ve yet to receive. Hak-kaff!
It’s the sworn duty of the Gridiron Nostradamus to help Times-News readers who are seeking guidance and to offer others a playful diversion from everyday life. While delivering the fate of high school football combatants, there is a time and place for humor. Heh-heh!
Well, Hoop-the-Scoop has dusted off the magic crystal ball and determined Friday night’s scores before the lights are turned on. Here goes with another award-winning forecast:
SOUTH 27, BOONE 13 — Games are won on the line of scrimmage. Enough said.
NORTH 13, SULLIVAN EAST 7 — The Patriots’ defense should start looking for the football right now because it will be difficult to find once North lines up in that double wing.
D-B 28, CENTRAL 7 — There is strength in numbers. The Indians simply have too much firepower for Central.
SCIENCE HILL 28, VOLUNTEER 21 — It isn’t a gimme for Science Hill. These Hawkins County lads will refuse to be a rollover.
MORRISTOWN WEST 21, CHEROKEE 7 — The Trojans are still riding momentum from last season.
TAZEWELL 14, GATE CITY 7 — Hold it right there, Little Blue! You got away with one at Richlands. The Bulldogs will bite where it hurts.
POWELL VALLEY 27, LEBANON 21 — Powell Valley’s Plowboys are harnessed up and ready to show those Pioneers the way home. Go, Vikings!
J.I. BURTON 28, APPALACHIA 13 — The Raiders are loaded but Appy’s game plan should make it rather interesting.
HOLSTON 27, TWIN SPRINGS 6 — Wet-weather Springs do not flow like the Mighty Holston.
LEE 19, HARLAN COUNTY 12 — It is time for the Generals to saddle up.
Asheville, N.C. 26, Tri-Cities Christian 20
Claiborne 22, Chuckey-Doak 7
Seymour 28, Cocke County 14
Hampton 35, Cosby 7
South Greene 20, Cumberland Gap 7
Tennessee High 41, David Crockett 7
Elizabethton 28, Happy Valley 6
Grainger 13, West Greene 7
Jefferson County 20, Sevier County 13
Cloudland 22, North Greene 15
Morristown East 38, South-Doyle 14
Unaka 28, Hancock County 12
Johnson County 19, Unicoi County 12
Abingdon 27, Patrick Henry 24
Grayson 14, Chilhowie 13
Clintwood 34, Haysi 12
Coeburn 14, Ervinton 6
Marion 20, Northwood 13
J.J. Kelly 26, Pound 7
Richlands 33, Honaker 13
Castlewood 28, Thomas Walker 14
Virginia High 32, John Battle 20