Folks, it was bound to happen sooner or later. After many years of record-breaking high school forecasts, the Hoople System hit the wall last week. A 24-8 worksheet was totally out of character.
First, there was that glitch in the banking system — Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Then came an unexpected prognosticating crisis — much to the dismay of footballholics.
It seems four of the Hoople staffers were doing a nightclub act when they should have been scouting teams the previous week.
Our difference-by-scores system virtually collapsed. Wags in the E-Z Snooze Hotel lounge have dubbed it “Freddie Hoop.’’ We’re referring to it simply as “Frantic Friday.’’
Action had to be taken. It is the Major’s sworn duty to protect the integrity of the system. Three of the researchers were booted over the goal post; one was worth preserving.
Perhaps the entire situation shouldn’t be blamed on excessive partying. One of the boys was seen leaving town in a brand-new automobile. Gambling is something Famous Amos will not tolerate.
My uncle’s law firm — Hipple, Happle and Hoople — has been consulted and is clearing up that matter.
Well, it’s back to the drawing board for a new way of doing things. To heck with status quo. The Old Boy Network has been abolished.
With all the cards on the Boarding House table, Yours Truly promises a newly discovered mathematical formula will generate unheard-of results. Hoop-Baby has bounce-back ability.
It’s time to roll again with a different set of wheels. Yahoo!
SULLIVAN EAST 21, NORTH 7 — The outcome will bring an anguished shrieking from visiting fans. End of Raider-mania. North gets Patriotized. Kaff-kaff!
DOBYNS-BENNETT 20, JEFFERSON COUNTY 13 — Label this game “Slobberknocker of the Week.’’ Both squads will deliver some punishing blows.
SULLIVAN SOUTH 28, JOHNSON COUNTY 14 — The Longhorns need a bit more gripsion for their cleats.
DANIEL BOONE 12, VOLUNTEER 7 — Endurance is essential to winning. Boone will still be around for the fourth quarter.
MORRISTOWN EAST 32, CHEROKEE 14 — Some teams are athletically challenged but look at life through an academic lens.
MORRISTOWN WEST 21, CROCKETT 14 — The Pioneers have an uncanny knack for snatching defeat from the hands of victory.
ELIZABETHTON 27, CENTRAL 13 — Too many bandwagoners can make the ride bumpier.
GATE CITY 30, APPALACHIA 7 — The compressado has become a popular hairstyle in Gate City, with the Blue Devils wearing tight-fitting helmets.
RYE COVE 14, CASTLEWOOD 12 — It’s going to take a farvarian performance but the War Eagles will pull it off.
TWIN SPRINGS 13, ST. PAUL 12 — The Titans constantly display teamsmanship. It reminds me of the good ol’ days at Yale.
THOMAS WALKER 20, COEBURN 19 — The rejuvenated Pioneers will light up the jumbotron early.
HARLAN COUNTY 7, LEE 6 — Harlan County has a spectator rating of 9.
GRUNDY 19, J.J. KELLY 7 — Ever hear of the Grundy grinder? Kelly will be put through it.
J.I. BURTON 27, POWELL VALLEY 14 — Catch ‘em if you can, Vikings. Hak-kaff!
CLINTWOOD 14, LEBANON 6 — Lebanon’s lads, instead of running outside, prefer training on a treadmill inside.
Greeneville 42, Cocke County 20
Hampton 14, Unaka 0
Gatlinburg-Pittman 20, Happy Valley 8
Sevier County 28, Science Hill 27
Tennessee High 40, Unico County 14
Cloudland 28, Tri-Cities Christian 7
Sunbright 33, Hancock County 7
Cumberland Gap 41, Chuckey-Doak 13
Tazewell 21, Abingdon 13
Virginia High 34, Chilhowie 14
Honaker 15, Haysi 7
Holston 8, Northwood 7
Patrick Henry 48, John Battle 12
Richlands 20, Graham 17
Big Creek, W. Va. 27, Hurley 6