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Prep football: Incomparable, uncanny Hoople system second to none

Major Amos Hoople • Sep 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM

Watch timesnews.net tonight. Scores from prep games will be posted as soon as they are reported to the Times-News newsroom.


Har-rumph! Um-yes, it was a fun-tastic opening week for Yours Truly’s forecasting team. That 36-3 record was a booming start and would deserve an A-plus in anybody’s league. Kaff-kaff!

Consistently connecting the dots for a legion of admiring readers is quite an undertaking, but this Yale Hall of Fame tailback has always been up to the task.

The umpirical parameters must always be considered, along with anomalous distraction and spin confusion. Boola-boola!

Comparisons with other published methods is strongly encouraged. Evaluating players and coaches isn’t the whole ball of wax. Any successful prognosticator must trust his instincts in difficult situations.

While contemporary astrology is appealing, Hoop-Baby’s combination of the old and the new comes out way ahead of the curve, especially when there are a lot of tossup games.

Being able to look into the final moments of a contest is a gift from upon high.

Sometimes teams just fail to perform at their normal level. Hoop-the-Scoop always confers with the Ways and Means Committee for advance indicators to find imperfections in the participants. Momentum, clutchness and mental toughness experienced on the gridiron have various ways of manifesting themselves in daily life.

Statistics are only one source for encapsulating the relationship between field position and the easiest route to the end zone. This pugnacious porker is a play-calling genius who’s become known for point production. When rival pickers fall a few yards shy of the goal line, Mr. Hoop scores. Heh-heh!

That’s enough of the small talk. Let’s get on with the business at hand and watch the Hoople System spiral upward — again. Hak-kaff!

VOLUNTEER 21, COCKE COUNTY 20 — The Falcons will pull victory out of thin air after falling behind early.

GREENEVILLE 28, DANIEL BOONE 21 — Taking into account a high number of fumbles and interceptions, look for a mind-boggling finish.

DOBYNS-BENNETT 20, BEARDEN 10 — Graham Clark, D-B’s high-rolling coach, is worth 10 points.

MORRISTOWN EAST 27, DAVID CROCKETT 13 — This is simply the difference in total personal chemical potential between the two teams.

TENNESSEE HIGH 32, SULLIVAN EAST 20 — Some soothsayers have been downplaying the Vikings this season. That’s absurd.

SULLIVAN SOUTH 41, UNICOI COUNTY 14 — Special teams are such an important part of football. Never underestimate the value of field goals, extra points, punting, punt returns, kickoffs and kick returns.

MORRISTOWN WEST 13, CHEROKEE 6 — Every dog has its day. The Trojans are going to meet their Waterloo in a few weeks.

HARLAN 21, LEE 14 — Sloppy weather will be a factor. There is no surefire formula for establishing a sensible point spread in an interstate game played on a slippery field.

RICHLANDS 14, POWELL VALLEY 7 — Pow! Pow! Pow! Take that you light-hitting, slow-running Vikings.

J.I. BURTON 38, J.J. KELLY 13 — Specific criteria relating to the Indians’ pass/catch capabilities is a statistically significant predictor.

CLINTWOOD 27, APPALACHIA 7 — This definitely is Clintwood’s year.

CHILHOWIE 42, TWIN SPRINGS 13 — It may take such a physical beating to stir up the Titans’ fan base.

HONAKER 26, TWIN VALLEY 7 — Quadruple Valley couldn’t beat these Tigers on their velvet field. Um-glumph!


Northeast Tennessee

Campbell County 8, Jefferson County 7

Cloudland 20, Cosby 12

Cumberland 32, South Greene 18

Gatlinburg-Pittman 27, Chuckey-Doak 7

Hampton 26, Jellico 6

Elizabethton 28, Johnson County 14

Claiborne 7, Knox Carter 6

Grace Christian 52, Unaka 12

North Greene 21, Kings Academy 6

Grainger 14, Pigeon Forge 12

Sevier County 34, Karns 14

Southwest Virginia

Thomas Walker 62, Hancock County 6

Happy Valley 14, West Greene 0

Coeburn 41, Pound 13

Grundy 30, East Ridge, Ky. 14

Radford 19, George Wythe 13

Haysi 13, Tug Valley, W. Va. 7

Hurley 14, Montcalm, W. Va. 13

Fort Chiswell 22, Northwood 21

St. Paul 28, Ervinton 0

Stickleyville 58, Blackwater 6

Keplar 13, Fall Branch 0

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