Har-rumph! Forces are bringing about change and it’s sending the Hoople System spiraling to even greater heights.
The perplexing new mathematical formula put into use on opening week had football observers everywhere scratching their heads.
Some indicated that a calculator could not have performed as effectively as Hoop-Baby did.
Superb is perhaps the best word to describe the initial forecast of the 2007 season.
The feeling was one of elation when results were tallied on Saturday night in the E-Z Snooze Hotel lounge. An all-time record percentage of .903 was reached. Kaff-kaff! What an extraordinary week it was, Dear Hearts.
Remember, time ebbs and flows like the tides in the sea. Before the season is over, people will not be able to stop singing Yours Truly's name.
This definitely was the start of something amazing. There will be dancing in the streets from Morristown to Haysi throughout September, October and November. It will enable the Major to enjoy social importance all around the Mountain Empire.
There are those who have suggested Famous Amos is the sportsworld's version of Nostradamus. While others may have ESPN, the Old Boy Himself is blessed with the gift of ESP.
Folks have frequently asked why this Peerless Prognosticator hasn't made a fortune in the stock market or gone to work for the U.S. Weather Bureau. Why, forecasting football games is a calling, friends. The Major was placed here in the Mountain Empire just to serve Times-News readers.
Hoop-the-Scoop has always had the inexplicable ability to comprehend the future and reveal probable and desirable scoreboard variations. Hak-kaff!
To make things a bit more simple for our more challenged followers, the present is actually the experience of transition from past to future. As always, your favorite soothsayer is on top of every situation.
Um-glumph! Without futher ado, let's proceed with the proceedings.
DANIEL BOONE 42, SOUTH GREENE 13 — Batten down the hatches, Rebels, because Daniel Boone is coming your way.
SCIENCE HILL 34, ELIZABETHTON 13 — What was supposed to happen last week will happen this week — much to the dismay of the Cyclones. Science Hill coach Scott Smith, the new sheriff in town, is ready for a gunfight.
SULLIVAN EAST 27, VOLUNTEER 14 — The harmful effects of a turnover will be brought to light soon after the kickoff.
CENTRAL 21, NORTH 7 — The Cougars may want to include this game in their diary. That long, dry spell is about to end.
CAK 19, CHEROKEE 13 — Knoxville's private-school lads will be victorious but rest assured, they'll know they've been in a Hawkins County rasslin' match. Boola-boola!
TAZEWELL 22, GATE CITY 13 — Flashes of insight indicate a horrific breakdown in Gate City's defense that will change the direction of the game drastically in the third quarter.
APPALACHIA 20, J.I. BURTON 14 — This stunning victory by the Bulldogs will leave skeptics gasping. Write it down and remember that Hoop told you so.
CLINTWOOD 21, HAYSI 20 — Several methods were utilized to determine this pick. Tarot cards, tea leaves, the crystal ball and a study of patterns in the sand produced an identical score. Heh-heh!
POWELL VALLEY 28, LEBANON 17 — Note to the Pioneers: When you're driving goalward, don't even think of looking into the rear-view mirror. Hak-kaff!
LEE 14, HARLAN, KY. 12 — Lee's passing attack will be eye-popping.
TWIN SPRINGS 12, HOLSTON 6 — The Cavaliers may need to improve their communication in the huddle.
ST. PAUL 40, TWIN VALLEY 7 — To even think Twin Valley could beat the Deacons is nonsensical.
Knox Powell 20, Cumberland Co. 6
Claiborne 28, Chuckey-Doak 7
Seymour 26, Cocke County 13
Gatlinburg-Pittman 21, Sequoyah 13
Grace Christian 42, North Greene 12
Mercer Co., Ky. 13, Greeneville 7
Hampton 31, Oneida 14
Greenback 55, Hancock Co. 7
Morristown West 41, Jefferson Co. 13
Morristown East 18, Karns 6
Sevier Co. 21, Knox Halls 12
Union Co. 8, Unaka 7
Unicoi Co. 14, Happy Valley 6
J.J. Kelly 28, Pound 7
Abingdon 38, Patrick Henry 14
Ft. Chiswell 14, Chilhowie 12
Coeburn 7, Ervinton 0
Grundy 27, East Ridge, Ky. 20
Marion 12, Northwood 6
Richlands 20, Honaker 7
Castlewood 26, Thomas Walker 6
Virginia High 62, John Battle 7